You know, life can be pretty crappy. People cut us off in traffic, treat us like dirt, get sick and die. We screw up, fall down, lose our tempers and find we just don’t have the money to do what we want. We feel confused, angry, hurt, and often we just don’t understand why it all has to happen. More to the point, why does it have to happen to us?
Those feelings are real. They’re very human, and we gain nothing from telling ourselves that we shouldn’t feel them. So, how do we feel happy in the face of this stuff going on all around us?
What I’ve learned is that a lot depends on my practicing “Active Gratitude.” Active Gratitude is taking the time, every day, to list off 10 things you are really, really grateful for. They don’t have to be big things. Some days they may be as simple as the fact that you drank a decent cup of coffee that morning, that you have a bed to sleep in, that you get to eat bananas in winter, that you get to work (and live) inside. OK, maybe you’re laughing at me now, but there have been hard times when I’ve been grateful just for making it through the day. The things you’re grateful for don’t have to be earth-shattering; they just have to be genuine.
I’m not saying this because I’m a naturally chipper little PollyAnna who doesn’t know the first thing about suffering. That darkness I mentioned? I’ve lived it. Life has dealt me some hard blows. Really hard. There have been, and will continue to be, times when I want to hurt someone for the injustices they’ve inflicted on others (including me). That I wanted to rage at the sky or dig myself into a big hole and never come out. But those times are very rare, and they’re getting rarer all the time. And the little stuff? The jerk who cuts me off in traffic, the ungrateful sod who faults me for my offer of help, the flooded basement, or the broken vase that belonged to a beloved relative? Those things have become more than manageable.
Yes, the bad things suck. And yes, there are things that are serious (and I promise we’ll talk about specific issues in another post). But Active Gratitude helps us put those things in their place and not let them consume us. It helps us see that they are only one part of life. We can handle them. But for now let’s remember: When it’s all said and done, troubling issues are only part of our existence. In the other part of our existence we are well and truly lucky to be alive, especially right here and right now. We live in a time and place where we can choose amazing things to eat, stay warm, meet people, and find information on anything we chose to learn. Should we fall, we have social services to assist us, police to protect us, health care to heal us and food to make us strong. And, let’s face it, there is something to be said for not having to live in the woods and wipe our butts with leaves. The simple fact that you are reading this right now means that you have access to power, technology, free time, the ability to read and the intelligence to understand. All of these are very precious gifts. Always remember that.
OK. Maybe you’re growling at me right now and thinking “friggin perky person!” Maybe you think this sounds idealistic and silly. Maybe you’ve been legitimately wronged. Maybe someone you love is ill or dying. Maybe you are. Maybe you think that your problems are too big for such a simplistic solution. But they’re not. Chances are, your feelings are about something that happened in the past, something you anticipate happening in the future, or someone who you really have no control over. What you do have control over is right now. Right this minute. Always, you have this one precious minute, and in this minute you can allow yourself to feel grateful.
So the next time you feel angry, the next time you feel sad, the next time you feel unsafe, take a little time to focus on the amazing things you have in your life. Even better, do this every day, at least once, for no reason at all. (Personally, I like to do it before I go to sleep. Often I do it before a meal. ) Remember that accidents happen, that people get sick and die because it’s part of life, and immerse yourself in the feeling of gratitude. Right here, right now, today. Because really, today is where we are. Today is what we’ve got. And it’s worth a hell of a lot.
