A Twitter friend of mine recently wrote that people had mistaken his avatar’s birthday for his. A common mistake, I’m sure. His tweet on the subject, however, prompted me to respond with “Interesting new social question: How much ARE we our avatars?” Not surprisingly, his response came back “Hmm yes intriguing! And how much are we kidding ourselves… ?? Care to write a post on it? I know I will…”Honestly, the thought had never occurred to me, but then he’s much cleverer about these things than I am. So, in honor of the ‘non-birthday’ of @timbuckteeth, Steve’s avatar, I thought I’d give it a shot.
Before we delve too deep into this question, I should confess right up front that I’m a bit of a poser. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve enjoyed dressing up. Dolls bored me. Why dress up a bit of plastic when you have your own living, breathing mannequin as close as your own heartbeat? Remember dressing up? With a bit of fabric and a lot of imagination you could be anyone or anything. I still have a picture of a 6 year-old me, dressed only in a pair of white underwear and scarves tied around my ankles and wrists, dancing around the living room a la Isadora Duncan. (Tell anyone that and I may have to kill you.)
My point? (Yes, please let’s get back to that.) My point is that I was experimenting, even then, with alternate versions of ’self.’ As I got older, I developed passions for acting, singing, and, ultimately, the field of communication. Needless to say, I never lost my interest in fashion, glamour and vintage clothes. I have always loved having a body. I loved using it to express thoughts, feelings and ideas. I loved using it to understand others.
So, let’s fast forward to today and @timbuckteeth, Steve’s avatar. What is an avatar, really, but yet another way to play dress-up? And aren’t we playing dress-up all the time? Every day we make choices about how we want to be seen, both by others and by ourselves. We play with hairstyles, clothing, postures, facial expressions and any number of tools that broadcast a message about who we are. It’s a game for most of us. We can’t help it; it’s part of being human. In this light the question of avatars is not modern. Avatars are just one more manifestation of a habit as old as humankind itself.
OK, I can hear some of you now. You’re saying “No, I’m always myself.” Rightly so. But I have to ask: If this is true, why do we change our hair, change our clothing, bother with style and moderate our voices for different contexts? Why do we dress differently for different occasions? We do it to communicate a different message about ourselves. I put on a suit to communicate that I understand the business context and can play the game. I put on a little black dress and pearls to show respect to a person, situation or institution. At a party I’m OK with sitting on the floor, legs all over the place, but I’d never do it at work. Have you ever met anyone who was exactly the same in all situations? Which begs the question: If we change ourselves regularly, who are we?
I’ve come to believe that the problem with this question lies in expecting a single answer. We aren’t one single “us.” We are complex, multifaceted and ever changing. It is human nature to constantly absorb information, learn new things, have experiences, and age. From situation to situation we want to communicate different aspects of ever evolving selves. Buddhists say “You can’t step twice in the same river.” The same goes for who we are. We can never, ever, be the same person twice, even if we want to be. It is a distinctly human gift that we can see ourselves, and others, change - moment to moment, situation to situation. And honestly, it can be such a kick. So go ahead: Try it. If you never have, let go of the idea that you are who you are. Give yourself more freedom to play. Wear something you’ve always wanted to. Identify more closely with your inner avatar. After all, it’s all just part of beautiful, complicated you.
Happy Birthday, @timbuckteeth. Give my love to Steve.
Alexandra
Update: Read Steve’s response at http://tinyurl.com/a8qmas
